...it's windy, and her family needs a ride. so. I spoke too soon. I really don't know who Murphy is, but I really hate his law. Looking back at my last post is quite the little bitch-slap of irony to the face. I smugly mused about having all the time in the world to acclimate the little one to such nuances as sleeping in her own bed, wiping her own butt, and letting me do the same to mine while being the actual only person in the room. Unbeknownst to me, as I typed away smugly, #3 had entered the oven. Houston, we have a fetus. Now, don't get me wrong...there are only a very few things in this world that I would rather do than have another baby. They are, in no particular order: stab my eye with a fork, set fire to myself, - okay, so maybe there are only two things I would rather do.
But I digress.
Let me preface this by saying that I truly would love nothing more than to have another baby.
It's the journey, however, I could probably do without. Add to that the fact that I am newly diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, generally insane, and about to move out of a 2300 square foot home and into the 8X9 childhood bedroom of my wonderful husband - Slayer posters included. So after much pants-shitting and deliberation, I am pleased to report that I am happier than a pig in said shit to be once again in the family way.
I drove to my first ultrasound appointment thinking in my head "Fine - I love you, yes - I just don't like you very much yet". Then it happened - no heartbeat. It's one of those moments in time where that switch clicks on way in the back of your brain and and a voice says: "ALERT! LIFE-CHANGING EVENT IS ABOUT TO TAKE PLACE" and then it says "Your partner for this life changing event will be this woman with a mustache wielding a va-jay-jay cam who we're not sure, but may, in all actuality, be not of this Earth, and in fact president of the Alien Probe Society For Women. And to enhance this experience to the fullest, we have piped in Celine Dion for your listening pleasure". So, at that moment, that basic mama instinct kicks in (you know the one that lets us lift up cars or punch Stone Cold Steve Austin in the balls if he looked at out kid sideways).
At that very moment in time, I decided that this was one of the three most wanted and loved babies in the history of the world, and no one and nothing was going to take it away. This baby would be fine, and I just refused to accept anything different. The week that followed was one of the most difficult I have had to endure. The thought of your child inside you possibly having passed is simply unbearable.
Fast forward one week to 176 beats per minute, and I could not be happier. Thanks to a few amazing friends and my unbelievable husband who I in no way deserve, I am currently 15 weeks, ecstatic, really fat, and scared shitless of being a mom of three. This kid has some pretty bad timing. But I know we'll be just fine, when we learn to love the ride.
No comments:
Post a Comment