Whoever coined the phrase "sleeping like a baby" was surely high off their ass. A more appropriate term would have been "sleeping like a tweaker on a meth bender" - that is if you are likening sound sleep to MY children.
I've had three, and they all sleep like shit. If you told me that you slept like a baby last night, I would say I'm sorry - that sucks big balls. Maybe my kids are the exception to the rule - or - maybe we should be more specific. Case in point:
Jane: "Good morning Dick. How are you?"
Dick: "I'm doing great Jane! I took an ambien last night, and slept like a baby! And how are you?"
Jane: "Not great Dick, not great. I have three kids. I slept like a Parisio baby."
See Dick sleep. Sleep Dick, sleep.
See Jane cry. Cry Jane, cry.
Don't be a Dick.
If you got a good night's sleep - or god forbid a nap - please...keep it to yourself.
If you are tired and you don't have children, please...don't tell me. And, if by chance you don't work and you feel sleepy...please don't share that with me. Just go sleep like it's your fucking job.
Of all the crap that comes along with parenting - the grey hair, the stretch marks, the nicotine patches and the mini-vans - to me the worst agony by far is the sleep deprivation. If I had to choose between a hot bod,a fast car, a late night of carousing and booze and smokes or a return to regular glorious sleep....sleep would win, hands down.
Please.
Don't be a Dick.
listen to: The Eurythmics~Sweet Dreams
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