hot for teacher

"fall is here, hear the yell
back to school, ring the bell
brand new shoes, walking blues
climb the fence, book and pens
i can tell that we are gonna be friends"

a pretty strong case for homeschooling........or why i want to poke my kid's teacher in the eye:

actually, I mean my friend's kid's teacher....not mine - I love my kid's teacher. ok that being said - let's begin with the fact that the idea of my kid out of my sight with strangers gives me hives. If you are with my kid when I'm not...I not only don't like you, I actually wish I could hurt you. So if you're the lady who spends the day with my kid AND you're condescending and cantankerous, well then I hope you get gonorrhea. It basically comes down to envelopes, and too much talking.

lick it up...

Kid: "My teacher doesn't like the lunch money in these big envelopes, and she doesn't want them folded either."

Me: "Well you can tell your teacher we're not buying smaller envelopes because we are poor."

Husband: eye-rolling and death stare aimed my way

Now why on earth would this matter, and why on earth would you tell a 1st grader this ever-so-passive-aggressive-assholeishly in hopes that they will tell the parent? It is in my very nature to find the most gigantic envelopes I can and use them for the rest of the year. I wasted precious moments better spent on facebook that night googling "huge envelopes".

you talk to much, you never shut up...

One day I open my daughter's backpack (not the pink and black polka-dot one I bought her, the obnoxious Jessie the Cowgirl one that my mother bought her which made her look at the polka-dotted one like it was a steaming pile of dog crap).
I go to sign the calendar, which we are instructed to do each day. There, scrawled in red across January 5th's square: too much talking

Now... I am confused. I am befuddled. I am perplexed. This is annoyingly nonspecific.
What can this possibly mean? Did you share too much about your yeast infection in the teacher's lounge? Is this a reference to Wikileaks? I am at a loss as to how to respond to this. So many 3 word phrases come to mind, and I begin to actually think that maybe the world would be a better place if we all communicated this way....need more sleep...kill me please...where's the vodka...

I want to respond "me tarzan. you stupid." ...but then I realized that was four words. So I kept trying. "too many dittos. boring busy work. sitting at desk. all day long. not enough creativity. expectations too high. they are seven. talking is fun."

Finally, I just gave up and wrote "love large envelopes"